Empowered Through Compassion: EMDR and IFS Informed Therapy

IFIO with Guest Toni Herbine-Blank

Season 2, Episode 30, Release Date: 5-4-2024 IFIO with guest Toni Herbine-Blank   Today I have the pleasure of sharing my conversation with Toni Herbine-Blank, MS. RN, C-SP. She is a Clinical Specialist, Psychotherapist, and Senior Trainer for the Center for Self-Leadership. Toni began training students in Internal Family Systems Therapy in 2004 and since then has been instumental in designing programs and writing curricula for Levels 1 and 2 IFS training programs.   Toni has been in private practice since 1996 specializing in the treatment of couples and individuals. In 2009, after designing a training for IFS therapists to apply the model to couples therapy, Toni offered the first Intimacy from the Inside Out (c) Training Program in Boston, MA. Since then the program has been received with great enthusiasm across the United States.   Whereas IFS focused on the internal aspects of an individual, IFIO focuses on the interdependance our internal system and external relationships. We turn inward (known as a "YOU-turn") to help us in our connections ("RE turn" to relationship).    Toni shared how the heart of her model is "Courageous Communication." When we feel healed, we open up to conversations. In this way we can stay connected with our minds and hearts, and are able to tune into how we might be impacting other people in the conversations.   Within intimate relationships, there is mutuality, as well as exploration. Although skills and tools could be extremely helpful, we need to have a critical mass of self energy in order to access these skills. Self-energy helps us listen and speak from our hearts.   We spoke about how Shame is a verb. When we have difficulty connecting and commnuicating with one another, we can explore what is coming up within us, and there is always some path that connects us back to shame, shamfulness or shaming behaviors. Shame is a "rolling" energy, where we sometimes replicate within our systems what is done to us. Additionally, what we do to ourselves, we do to others.   In IFIO we are "helping people free themselves from the myth of Unloveability."   Through IFIO we earn the trust of our internal system, and in this way recognize who we can extend this trust to in our external world. As these people are welcomed into our internal universe, we co-constuct authentic and meaningful connection. 

Healing the Folks Who Live Inside with Esly

Season 2, Episode 29, Release Dte: 4-28-2024 Healing the Folks Who Live Inside with Esly   I hope you enjoy my conversation with Esly Regina Cavalho as much as I loved having it! Esly holds a Ph.D. in psychology, and she is a Brazilian- American clinical psychologist. She is an EMDR Trainer of Trainers, and she is a trainer with distinction in Psychodrama, Sociometry, and Group Psychotherapy. She offers training to integrate EMDR with Role Therapy. She is an author, and president of multiple agencies. She has been a major impact with bringing EMDR -- and it's integration with Role Therapy --  to Brazil, and around the world!   Registration is open for the Esly's Professional Intervention Program for Adversity (PIPA), group exercises based on AIP theory. Check out more here:  www.traumaclinicinternational.com/courses/pipa   EMDR Basic Training, in English but with an international team: www.traumaclinicinternational.com   You can watch Esly's Youtube video explaining EMDR here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=rg842qP83yc   It was wonderful speaking with Esly about psychodrama, and how this helps increase: Our creativity The ability to think on our feet Confidence and stage presence Understanding other perspectives through role reversal   We spoke about surplus reality, and Esly explained how this is a psychodramatic term for an imaginary place where we can create anything we want. This is a place were traumas can find resolutions.   We spoke about two types of time: (1) chronological time and (2) a particular moment in time. Esly shared how EMDR helps us take trauma our of a particularly moment (which is eternally repeating) and bring it to chronological time, and sent back to the past.   Esly's wonderful saying, "Without healing there is no holiness."   Esly also shared her beliefs that, "If you get stuck, look for the trauma."   I love how Esly describes her "psychodynamic interweave" for EMDR. In this way, she allows us to change our story, and help roles develop.    Esly has brought her work to: Ecuador, Bolivia, Costa Rica, Venezuela, Columbia, Angola, Mozambique and Ethiopia. Esly's PIPA's program has been extremely well received, and very successful.    Find out more about EMDR and Psychodrama at Esly's websites. As Esly shared, both models are very powerful healing modalities, but could also cause a lot of damage if not done correctly.    Esly's training are for licensed professionals, and she is creating more for paraprofessionals.  

IFS and EMDR with guest John Clarke

Season 2, Episode 28, Release Date: 4-12-2024 IFS and EMDR with guest John Clarke   Today I have the pleasure of speaking with John Clarke. John is a fellow podcaster, and has created the show, "Going Inside, Healing Trauma from the Inside Out." He is a trauma therapist who uses evidenced based models of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Somatic Experiencing (SE). You can find out more about John on his website: www.johnclarketherapy.com   John was introduced to EMDR first, and then when he learned IFS, he saw this as a big game changer. EMDR gave him a deeper perspective of memories, and then, IFS helped give him a deeper understanding of parts of our system that holds these memories. There is also an understanding of the parts that feel that they have to protect (and sometimes exile) these more vulnerable parts.   John has a podcast and show named, "Going Inside." This is his second show that he has created, and with this show he is hoping to reach out to anyone who has an interest in therapy and wants to understand more about some of the amazing trauma models that are out there.    We spoke about how IFS is seen as a psycho-spiritual model, particularly with its understanding around Self-energy. John shared how when he spoke with Seth Kopald, they discussed how children have so much Self-energy, and John can see this in his daughter.   As we get older, we start developing shame. John shared that helping people recognize and deal with their shame is such a big part of the work that we do. A lot of our work is around sitting with people when they come to therapy, and taking the time to help them understand their parts, and befriending their parts. It this way, we can also help others unpack some of the profound fears that they are carrying, that they are not good enough, and that if other people really saw them, they might end up alone.    John shared how hard it could be for people who have been traumatized to be able to accept the moment, and trust that things will work out-- because this hasn't happened in their past. This can trigger the difficult emotions in their body.    What are the purposes of emotions? What does pathology exist? John shared how he feels that IFS model is so beautiful because it encourages us to turn to the parts that have these intense emotions, and understand and listen to the wisdom that these parts are trying to give to us.   Thank you John for our lovely conversation. I am looking forward to speaking with you again, on your podcast :)  

Finding Our Gifts Through Divine Love: Brian Jaudon

Season 2, Episode 27, Release Date: 4-06-2024 Finding Our Gifts Through Divine Love: Brian Jaudon   On this episode I had the pleasure of speaking with Brian Jaudon, a master coach, mentor, trainer and teacher of coaches. Brian has co-designed and taught two global courses on incorporating IFS into coaching. He is also Founder of Pisgah Institute. You can find out more about Brian and his offerings at:  www.pisgahcoaching.com.   Brian shares how he works with coaches, so these coaches can successfully help others bring their unique gifts into the world. Brian feels that it is important to help people understand why they are alive and here right now.    For Brian, he believes that we are all here to be of service to others. This resonates with me, I believe that having compassion is all about giving it away!   Brian's three steps of coaching are helping people: (1) Answering the question, "What do I want to create in my life and work?" (2) Discover how they can be of service to others. (3) Understand their "Divine Contract" of why they are on Earth, and to live out this contract.   Brian shared a very pivotal experience for him was when cancer was in his body. Brian explained how the second time he got cancer, he was able to befriend his cancer. He applied Richard Schwartz views that there are no bad parts to the cancer, and saw the cancer as something that had an important message for him.    Brian shared some of his experience with Bert Hllinger's Family Constellation work. This helped Brian externalize his experience with cancer, and represent three crucial elements: (a) the cancer (b) his "Self" energy and (c) Divine Love. Brian said, "Divine love became more than a concept, I developed a relationship with it."   Brain was even able to turn to tha cancer and say, "Thank you for bringing Divine Love into my life." Brian turned to his cancer and gave it an invitation to leave his body. Utimately, Brian left the decision up to the cancer. In this way, Brian internalized the Divine Love, and was able to show love to his cancer!   Through this process, Brian continued to evolve his vision of coaching. His vision expanded to include ways to manifest and embody this Divine Love, to inspire others to do the same.   When working with other people's visions, Brian shared how he brings in Internal Family Systems. He said, "Once the right vision has presented itself, we map out all of a persons internal parts." Brian shared how as coaches we can help people discover what the internal system is organized around, and to work to align this with a vision. If there are parts that are not aligned with the vision, these parts are brought into the light, so they could be seen and better understood.    Brian has also been impacted by the work of Judith Johnson who has said, "Love brings anything unlike itself to the surface to be healed." Find out more about Judith and her work here: www.psychoneuroenergetics.net/judith    Brian feels that as a coach, as well as trainer for coaches, he wants to help teach people how to recognize the gifts that they have been born with. He teaches how our internal system can be unburdened and deeply understood. In this way our gifts and innate abilities can be materialized and shared with others. Thank you Brian for such a beautiful conversation, it was such a gift talking with you!   

Empowered Through Finding Your Inner Voice: Maggie Maris

Season 2, Episode 26, Release Date: 3-31-2024 Empowered Through Finding Your Inner Voice   Introduction: I wanted to shout out to Feedspot. I am honored to be on two Feedspot lists: "30 Best Internal Family Systems Podcasts" and "Top 60 Trauma Podcasts." If you are searching for a podcast in a particular area of interest, I highly recommend Feedspot, to help you sort through the countless podcasts out there!   Check out IFS Podcasts here: http://podcasts.feedspot.com/internal_family_systems_podcasts/   Find out more about Maggie here: en.maggiesway.nl   My Compassionat Conversation with Maggie Maris: Maggie is the author of "My Journal: By FInding Yourself Your Will Find Your Happiness." In addition to being an author, she is a life coach, and founder of Maggie's Way.   Maggie has ADHD and Dyslexia, which made growing up very challenging for her. In school, teachers were extremely unkind. Maggie felt pressured to please everyone, and even try to be perfect! This led her down a path were eventually, she got extremely depressed. This depression lasted seven years, and got her to a place where she no longer wanted to be alive.   The point where everything changed for Maggie was when she realized that she needed to find her inner voice. At this moment, she realized she needed to do things her way, and to focus on her needs.   Maggie did not find therapy particularly helpful, and so she decided to embark on a personal quest to find the answers to why she felt so bad. She started to follow her own path, leadin her to discover who she really was and what maade her happy. This journey led her to heal and discover her true self and the courage to advocate for herself-- a pivotal moment that birthed Maggie's Way: en.maggiesway.nl and ultimately her book, MY JOURNAL: en.maggiesway.nl/my-journal   MY JOURNAL is a personalized roadmap to self-awareness, growth, and lasting happiness. With meaningful writing prompts, inspirtational exercises, and Maggie's personal touch, MY JOURNAL becomes your personal coach, guiding you to connect with yourself, choose for yourself, and unleash your full potential. The book wil lead you to discover your talents, create healthy habits, and develop clear life goals. By dedicating time to self-care and embracing a positive mindset and reflection, you will be one step closer to being truly happy and being in control of your life. She is committed to helping others on their journey to mental well-being and a healthy lifestyle.    Maggie outlined four key things that she feels are needed for healing:   (1) Being open minded and open hearted. In thia way, we can have more understanding of our thoughts and behaviors.   (2) Understanding ourselves, and being familiar with our likes and dislikes.   (3) Focusing on our self-worth. We can focus on our needs and being able to verbalize them to others.   (4) Exploring what our "best life" looks like, and working to manifest this.   Maggie's hope is that by sharing her journal, others will be able to construct their journal and be able to connect with their inner voice. She hopes that others can manifest their happy lives, and be able to increase their awareness of their thoughts and behaviors. 

Compassion Through The Media: Eli Holzman

Season 2, Episode 24, Release Date: 3-29-2024 Compassion Through The Media   Welcome to this episode, where I was able to have a "Compassionate Conversation" with a childhood friend of mine: Eli Holzman. Eli is the CEO of The Intellectual Property Corporation, which he founded in 2016. Eli is President of Sony Pictures Television, Nonfiction. I wanted to speak with Eli about therapy, and how it is represented in the media, because Eli knows media! He is a writer and executive producer who has won numerous Primetime Emmy Awards, Critic Choice Real TV Awards, and also MTV and TV Awards.  He has over 75 shows that he has been the Executive Produce on, which include Undercover Boss, Project Runway, Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath, Free Meek, American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance.   We spoke about Project Runway, and how Eli filmed this at Parsons: The New School for Deign, and positive power that the show had to influence people. Eli said, "On the show something special happened. Contestants started helping each other, they weren't cut throat. They were kind."   Eli shared that as he was building his first company he was creating Undercover Boss. "This helped me define my values." Eli shared how some of his employers led by fear, but he wanted to find another ways to lead! He recognized on Undercover Boss that "humans crave esteem as much as water and air. Just seeing someone receive this can touch us."   Eli spoke about the current crisis in television. "Our tastes have become so broad, and there are so many options out there now."    I wanted to know, what would a counseling reality show look like? We spoke about "Couple's Counseling" as one option. Eli spoke about some of the challenges of a counseling reality show. (a) people like stories were there are big changes, and drama. Counseling could be slow and incremental. (b) the topics that are covered could be very specific to the people involved. (c) TV and media are going to represent a small percetage of the population that have the personality and skills to capture the interest of an audience.   Eli said he feels it could be very helpful to explore how we can monitor our bodies, and how this information can lead us to making better decisions. He also feels that it could be interesting and important to understand more about inter-generational legacies and how these are passed down and impact us.   Eli spke about how our mental health is manipulated on a regular basis, perhap more than any other time in history. This is done by the computers that we carry around in our pockets (our smart phones). This technology is engineered to capture our attention, and is very deliberate. We are in a time in history where these devices in our pocket also hold all of the solutions to our problems-- all the answers to our mental and emotional health are within our reach, if we know how to search for them. 

Compassion Through Spirituality: Frank Rogers Jr

Season 2, Episode 23,    Release Date: 3-19-2024 Empathy Through Connection Frank Rogers Jr., PhD, is professor of Spiritual Formation and Narrative Pedagogy. He is a spiritual director, speaker, retreat leader and author. His books include, “Practicing Compassion,” and “Compassion in Practice: The Way of Jesus,” as well the fiction work, “The God of Shattered Glass.” He is the cofounder of the Center for Engaged Compassion. Find out more about Frank Rogers Jr. here: www.centerforengagedcompassion.com/rogers.html    Frank wrote and dedicates his latest book, “Cradled in the Arms of Compassion” to his sister who took her life. He honors her spirit and also answers a question that she had for him before she passed, “How did you find healing?”   “A kindness doesn’t take the pain away, but it helps you get through it,” shared by Sister Veronique at Our Lady of the Redwoods. Frank said, “Kindness keeps the spirit alive, as we are going through suffering… that speaks to my heart.” Frank shares how compassionate Self-Restoration two fundamental components: (1) Everything happens inside of you for a reason, and we can listen to this wisdom (2) We have a self-essence, and we can always trust this no matter what we face Frank shares how he sees self energy as a spiritual energy. He said, "This is a cosmic energy to this as well, and we can plug into this energy." We spoke about Bob Falconer’s book, “The Others Within Us.” When speak about the common IFS term "burdens" Frank shared that another term used for this in religion is “demons.” He spoke about how demons can affect us on an individual level (our personal demons) a community level, and even on cosmic levels. Demons can always be met with compassion, and helped to return to the part of the universe where they belong!  “IFS is the belief in the inner goodness of all things when met with love and compassion.” I also asked, “How do we spread this urgent message that there can be more healing and compassion in the world?” Frank’s beautiful answer is that we, “follow the self-energy to where it takes us. We all can find our unique gifts, and use these to spread this positive energy within our sphere of influence.”  Frank was interviewed on "Deconstructing the Myth Podcast: Episode 43." At the end of this episode, Frank Rogers Jr. explains the name of my Podcast better than I ever could! He completed understood my intension for naming this podcast, "Empowered Through Compassion." Thank you, Frank for such a lovely conversation and connection!  

Empathy Through Connection: Stephen Andrew

Season 2, Episode 22,    Release Date: 3-19-2024 Empathy Through Connection   Stephen Andrew is CEO (Chief Energizing Officer) of Health Education & Training Institute (HETI) (https://www.hetimaine.org/stephen-andrew) He is the co-founder and President of Agape, Inc. (https://www.agapemaine.org) which supports the Men’s Resource Center of Southern Maine whose mission is to support boys, men and fathers and oppose violence and dignity for people using opiates.   Upcoming Events: April 9th and April 10th 2024… There is the 4th Annual Recovery, Inclusion, Community, Harm Reduction (RICH) Conference  (https://www.agapemaine.org/dignity)    Notes From Episode I mentioned his interview on Heart Centered Therapist Podcast    Here are the steps of Empathy according to Stephen: (1) Really see the other person (2) Listen to the content (3) Take a breath and drop into your heart (4)  Offer something: What do you imagine this person is feeling? Thinking? (5)  Watch how it lands   I believe for Stephen, “Curiosity” is similar to “Detective work” and he cautions us against this saying,  “Instead of being curious of the other person, we should be curious about our heart, and the felt sense we have of the other person.”    Stephen shared that concepts of “Self-Empathy” and “Self-Compassion” are problematic for him, because these should not lead to isolating ourselves.   “The key to self-compassion is giving it away.”   “This is about duality; we need to show up for others and ourselves.”   “We don’t want to confuse this with being in our head, and having to take care of others. We never want the other person to feel like a victim. This might lead to an unbalance of power in the relationship, and the person being "cared for" might start feeling controlled.    Stephen shares his term “Boundaries with kindness” where we simultaneously focus on our needs and other people's needs. In this way, we do not fall into a “Caretaker” role, and we maintain our own integrity. We can hold the thought, “I am here for you,” while at the same time, not slipping into a more compulsive caretaking role.     Stephen's Three Skills That Everyone Needs: (1)  Empathy, Compassion, Radical Acceptance (2)  Boundaries with Kindness (3) The Heart-Felt Apology—when you don’t do the first two correctly   Near the end of the interview, when Stephen and I are speaking about men's groups and the recent mass shooting in Maine, we were referring to a mass killing that occurred in Lewiston, MA at the end of October, 2023 (this happened about a week before we recorded our own interview).    Our love goes out to all of those people and families affected by this tragic event!

Healing Through The Self Compassion Container: The Compassion and Journey of Nancy Simons

This week I had the priviledge of speaking with Nancy Simons, who is a trainer at Syzygy Institute (which weaves together EMDR and IFS training). She speaks about some of the strengths of IFS Informed EMDR training (IIE). She also shares some of her wonderful creations in the field, including a very special protocal that she has named, "The Self-Compassion Container." Enjoy this episode, and our special converesation.

Relational Repair Through Tapping: Daphne Fatter and Self Tapping for Attachment Readiness and Repair

This week I had the pleasure of speaking with Daphne Fatter. She is a leader in the field of interweaving IFS and EMDR. She is a teacher and writer who has a lot of first hand experience with these models. I learned so much about the integration of the models from her, and I am excited to share our compassionate conversation with you. I hope you can feel some of our excitement with these models. I hope that this also inspires you to want to learn more aobut these two models and how they could help with trauma healing. Enjoy this episode!