Empowered Through Compassion: EMDR and IFS Informed Therapy

Speaking about EMDR with Notice That’s Jennifer and Melissa

Season 1, Episode 37, Release Date: 7-8-2024 EMDR and IFS Integration with Melissa and Jennifer for the Popular Notice That podcast Check out Notice That at www.emdr-podcast.com Find out more about Beyond Healing (Melissa and Jen's group practice in Missouri at: www.connectbeyondhealing.com   Melissa is thew Director of Clinical Embodiment at Beyond Healing, as wel as Supervisor, Trainer, Consultant and Psychotherapist. She is an approved EMDRIA Consultant. She has a special focus in dissociative disorders and holistic healinng. She is also a Reiki teacher and university professor.   Jennifer Savage is the Directorof Program Development at Beyond Healing. She is also a Supervisor, Trainer, Consultant, and Bilingual Psychotherapist-- American Sign Language. She is an EMDRIA approved Consultant. She also offers intensives, to work with clients seeking trauma healing in a more concentrated setting.   It was such an honor to speak with both of them for this episode!    

Robert Falconer and the Others Within Us

Season 1, Episode 36, Release Date: 6-30-2024 Robert Falconer and the Others Within Us   Robert Falconer is defintely a hero of mine. He has written many enlightening books that include "The Others Within Us" and his latest (hot off the presses) "When You're Going Through Hell... Keep Going." Find out more about Bob here: www.robertfalconer.us   Bob successfully combines trauma healing and spirituality in his work. Through grace, he has always been very motivated, to heal both his own trauma, as well as helping others on their journeys.  I admire how Bob looks toward other cultures (in addition to our own) to seek out wisdom and knowledge.    When I spoke about how much wisdom can be found from long ago, I questioned if society was moving backwards. Bob reflected on Owen Barfield's work, and shared that long ago there was a strong connection with nature that was lost. However, Own believed that this was something that was going to be rediscovered, albeit in a different way.   Bob shared that Western psychology is seen by some as colonization of the mind.  Is there a way to bring back spirituality to this? We spoke about how IFS does this, "to some degree." However, the 8 C's seem to stop short of some important Self qualities, such as: Luminosity, Transcendence, Radiance We spoke about how graduate schools seem content with the 8 C's-- particularly "calm"... however, to other cultures, spirituality is anything but calm. Bob shared how to the Sans people, Bushmen of the Kalahari, spirituality is moving, it is ecstatic dancing and high energy. Bob shared how so much of the time we banish esctatic spirituality in this society.    Perhaps one way to bring this back is through a psychedelic renaissance. We spoke about how IFS could help prepare someone for a psychodelic healing experience. Bob stressed the need for permission from the entire system. Bob shared how there has been some evidence which suggests psychedelics address rumination of a system.   Bob shared that he doesn't believe people can heal from trauma without some form of spirituality, or meaning, in their world. To him, each moment can be a doorway into eternity, if we can appreciate the present moment. We can do this by pausing when we find ourselves experiencing awe, wonder, joy. This is a way to respect our own existence.   We spoke about the definition of "mental health" and how our society puts these people in boxes that become extremely limiting. Instead, these people just might be the visionaries in the society, who are in need of more compassionate. We spoke about how other societies have been able to successfully construct a compassionate container for these people. Perhap, by learning from these societies, we can have kinder and more effective ways to address mental health in our society.    

Leslie Petruk and Parenting through the Eyes of a Child

Season 1, Episode 35, Release Date: 6-23-2024 Leslie Petruk and Parenting Through the Eyes of a Child   Leslie is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and Director at the Stone Center for Counseling & Leadership, as well as a Clinical Supervisor. Find out more about the Stone Center here: www. thestonecenternc.com Leslie has expertise working with children, individuals, couples and families. She is an author, IFS trainer, presenter and therapist. She has written two chapters of Jenna Riemersma's book, "Altogether Us."   This is a special epsidoe, because Leslie was also my first IFS teacher, in my Level one training. I couldn't have asked for a better teacher :) We nerded out a little about poetry, and here are some of our favorite poets-- Rumi, Nikita Gill, N. Scott Momaday, Jeff Foster, David Whyte, John O'Donohue, and Matt Licata.   Here is some of the transcript that I wanted to highlight:   David. Leslie, how can we use sandtrays in our practice? Leslie. This is a way to help dive into unconscious realm with clients. I like to give clients choice, and allow them to pick objects. They create something, without relying on their "thinking brain." In a way, it is like their parts are being laid out in front of them.  David. Some people might have diffculty when given too much choice and freedom. This might even feel threatening. How do you handle this situation? Leslie. I hold the space. I focus on creating a welcoming and trusting space, and I also hold onto the truth that clients know inside what to do. I might reflect what they are doing, and what is happening, as I create this safe container for them. Although it could be more challenging for children with trauma to get started with sandtrays, once they are able to be part of this process, they tend to get lost in the sandtrays.   David. When you write about parenting skills, how do you differentiate between helping someone have good parenting skills, with overall good relationship and communication skills? Leslie. That is a good question, because healthy attachment applies to any relationship. I remember one time after I did an incredible piece of work with my IFS therapist. I found that I was so present to my children afterwards, and it was a very dramatic shift that had never happened in quite the same way before. I wanted to share this with every parent!   David. We have so much power over our children's lives. In some ways, they are all they really know. Leslie. As my child left for college, I worried if I had given her enough to be successful. Launching children is so hard, in many different ways. But, it is also a beautiful process.   Leslie. My hope with working with parents is to help them have clarity of their parts, and to understand their agendas.  David. It seems important to put our children's needs first.   Leslie. I think it is all about balance. If we are not there for ourselves, we can't be our best selves for our parents. We need to care for our needs-- so we can give our children guidance and a safe place.  David. I feel like as parents we want to helop our children be self-led. Leslie. Yes, and at the same tie, children are naturally filled with joy and curiosity. David. Basically, life is a sandbox for children. Leslie. The biggest message I would want to give to others is to have self-compassion. There is always something you can feel guilty about as a parent. Guilt can be a motivator to make a repair. But, it is not helpful to use this guilt as a bat to beat ourselves up with.  Being able to repair with ourselves as well as our children is so important.   Leslie shared that when we are activated, it is a reminder for us to get curious! 

Victoria Eagle and the Internal Family Systems Telehealth Collective

Season 1, Episode 34, Release Date: 6-16-2024 Victoria Eagle and the IFS Telehealth Collective   Find out more about Victoria here: http://ifstherapyonline.com/victoria-eagle-ifs-therapy-in-california   This is a very special episode for me, to introduce a wonderful co-worker of mine, Victoria Eagle. She has been working at the IFS-Telehealth Collective, she is a supervisor here, and also runs group with one of the founders Paul Ginter. Find out more about these groups here: http://ifstherapyonline.com/ifs-community-groups   Victoria shared that she was drawn to IFS because of its non-pathologizing nature. She felt that she was able to see her clients (first children, then parents) through this lens of compassion and connection.    When Victoria was trained in IFS, and shared the concept of multiplicity, and helped people see the parts within them, she helps parents relate to these parts as if they were their children. Victoria sees these parts as individual clients that are walking into her office. In this way, each part is an entity that we want to get to know and appreciate.   As we accept and love our inner world, this energy also is reflected in our relationship to the outter way as well.   Victoria shared how when people are able to experience their self energy, she can see this reflected in their faces "it is as the sunshine is warming them."   Victoria shared how the IFS-TC handles diagnosing clients, and how this is a collaborative process. The diagnosing is done to describe symptoms, and help care for people. She strives to choose the least pathologizing diagnoses, and holds these diagnoses lightly.   

Authentic Connection with Frank and Jess

Seaon 1, Episode 33, Release Date: 6-9-2024 Authentic Connection with Jessica Olberz Singleton and Frank D'Amato   This has been one of those episodes which I have been holding close to my heart, and I am finally releasing it, with a deep sense of gratitude towards Jessica and Frank. They are heroes of mine who are also on a podcast journey of their own. Their podcast has been very inspirational to me. Their podcast is called, "Feel This" and you can listen to it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/th/podcast/feel-this-with-frank-and-jess/id1610951524   This podcast has authentic conversation, where the hosts show what they are experiencing in the moment. They welcome the listener into this safe space, to feel this alongside the hosts. Frank shared that he does this podcast for the simple reason that when he is doing the podcast, "I feel more connected to myself, more alive, more compassionate."   Frank shared that, Authentic Connection is a way of speaking for what is happening in the moment. We can look at 5 zones of connection...   1) Chit chat-- speaking about random things going on around us 2) It chat-- focusing on a specific topic of interest 3) Me chat-- focusing on you or me 4) We chat-- speaking about the relationship of "us" 5) Now chat-- speaking for what my experience is in this moment   Frank shared how he really loves Jay Earleys books, "Self-Therapy" especially for clients.   Frank shared how he does not believe the zones are heirarchical. Each of them can be very positive if we are being self-led. To illustrate this, Jess shared how chit-chat could be parts led, when people are using this to speak over one another, or fill up space. However, chit-chat could also be Self-led when there is attunement, and the chit-chat becomes a way of connecting with someone. Through a sense of presence, the words within chit-chat don't matter, the communication is in the experience, and the action.   Chit-chat can also be used to bring a deep conversation to a place that feels a little safer and contained.   Frank dove into the We chat realm and shared how this is often overlooked in our culture, but so important. Frank shared how "IFIO sees this realm as a place to help couple's track their experiences." This is a way to notice cycles and patterns in communication.   When we are being parts-led, we chat can look more like an argument. But, all relationships will have conflict, and being able to name "we-chat," we make more space for working through these problems. Naming what you perceive to be happening in the relationship takes vulnerability. However, this can lead to being able to feel the tangibility of the group's consciousness!    Authentic conversation (as it is named in IFIO) is the "now chat." It begins with an understanding and connection with ourselves. As I understand what I am feeling, I can then communicate this to you. Tapping into the hear and now, and the experiences within our bodies, can even lead us into a spiritual realm, as it deepens our relationship with the other person.    As Jess beautifully said; "By trusting our nervous system, and listening to it, allows us to give love and be loved. As we slow things down, we can appreciate the beauty of this, and it can feel like we are coming home to myself and others."           

Daily Parts Meditation Practice with Michelle Glass

Season 1 Episode 32, Release Date: 6-1-2024 Daily Parts Meditation Practice ® with Michelle Glass   Michelle Glass is Level 3 trained IFS practitioner, who has written the wonderful book, "Daily Parts Meditation Practice®." She is a Soul Collage facilitator as well as a Spiritual Emergence Coach. She leads Daily Parts Meditation Practice® (DPMP®) Workshops. She has also spent 7 years as the Editor for the magazine, "Foundation for Self-Leadershp." Find out more about Michelle here: http://thelistenerllc.com   Michelle also collaborates with Sentur App. Find out more about this here: http://www.sentur.app   Michelle also has been teaching the integration of IFS for guides working with psychedelics. Find out more about this work on Michelle's website.   Michelle spoke about her book, and how she believe (and practices) checking in with her part each day. In this way, she has been able to cultivate a deep relationship and connection with each one of her parts.   Michelle quoted A.H. Almaas, who has said, The fundamental thing that happened, and the greatest calamity, is not that there was no love or support. The greater calamity, which is caused by the first calamity, is that you lost the connection to your essence. This is much more important than whether your mother or father loved you or not." Michelle shared that for her, when she experienced trauma, the worst part was how this made her question how there could be a higher power, or God, when such horrendous things could happen to people.   IFS was a way that Michelle was able to reconnect to this higher power. Michelle shared how this was through her unburdening some of her hurt and cautious parts.   Michelle was drawn to IFS because of its non-pathologizing nature.    She is very passionate about helping people integrate there parts, and she has shared some of her strategies that have been extremely helpful for her. These include seix strategies that she explores in her book: (1) parts timelines (2) parts maps (3) parts biolographies (4) parts catalogue cards (5) daily parts meditation practice® (6) parts externalization.   The most essential of these six strategies is number 5: DPMP®. This is a meditation practice not only furthers our relationship with our parts, but also helps them remain unburdened. We are able to become "infused" with the unburdened parts' natural qualities. In this way, we can connected with our life's purpose, and deeper recognition of our inherented gifts.   To Michelle, this can provide each of us with a spiritual connection both internally and externally!   Thanks Michelle for such a meaningful conversation and connection!    

Drawing into Art to Thrive and Survive with Ruth Culver

Season 1, Episode 31, Release Date: 5-28-2024 Drawing into self to Survive and Thrive with Ruth Culver   Ruth Culver is an Integrative Hypnotherapist, IFS Practitioner, and Internal (IFS) Constellations She also created and leads workshops on IFS intuitive Drawing, and "Drawing into Self," Internal Constellations, and her "Survive and Thrive Spiral."   Ruth spoke about her work in hypnotherapy, and how IFS allows up to really understand a system so we can get permission from protectors before rattling exiles (very similar to how IFS can also aide EMDR).   Also, Ruth said that for some of her clients, the Ventral Vagal state did not feel like they were "tolerating" difficult things, it felt more as if they were "accepting" and feeling OK through the difficulties.   We spoke about "freeze" state, and how this felt like active energy, which is sometimes missed in descriptions. Ruth said, "This is very different than collapse, it is more a thought of, I got to do something about this, but I can't"     I (David) questioned if each part has their own autonomic nervous system of their own. Ruth's answer was that yes, and they are all reacting to a larger nervous system in the body. "The parts take on their roles in response to this larger nervous system."   When we check in with parts, in IFS, we are in effect reprograming each of their nervous systems. In this way, repetition is very important. In some ways, this feels a lot like reconsolidating the part's memories.   We spoke about spirituality, and Ruth shared that her journey has been more about being rather than doing. She shared that she has been involved with family constellation work, which really started through absorbing some of the practises of South Africa, and how they were interacting with ancestors.   Ruth shared how family constellation work was tuning into somatic energy, where there would be a group of participants and they would help represent family members and ancestors. Ruth broadened this to include internal parts of systems as well.    Ruth shared how you could feel a connectedness within the group and a form of synchronicity. Almost as if the group was a jazz band, listening and improving with one another! Again, Ruth shared how IFS brings a lot of safety to this technique.   We spoke about the similarities of this practise to Psychodrama, and Ruth shared that she believes "Constellations goes one step further." There is more unconsicious work being done, and less containment (not guiding participants how to act or what to say). Therefore, good preparation becomes vital.   Ruth said she creates safety by (1) slowing things down, and (2) staying curious. When exiles show up, it is OK because we can see them, and ask them to wait. As Cece Sykes says, "we can send them little golden threads." We can say to them, I might not be able to get to you right now, but I see you. This can be very healing!   We spoke about "Drawing into Self" and how healing it could be to have parts express themselves through color and movement on a page. This taps into preverbal and nonverbal modes of communication, and then we can do IFS through the intuitive drawing.    When we share this with partners, we also learn how to really listen to what someone is sharing. Ruth has put together many protocols for this. She has found that this externalizes parts.   She also has workshops on her Survive and Thrie model. "Its all about safety and connection."

Self-led Sexuality with Patricia Rich

Season 2, Episode 33, Release Date: 5-27-2024 Self-led Sexuality with Patricia Rich   Today I had the pleasure of speaking with Patricia Rich, a licensed clinical social worker, certified IFS therapist and consultant, and a certified sex therapist and supervisor. She is insightful and knowledgeable on how IFS and sex therapy could be merged together for therapy and healing.    We spoke about the irony in our field where people come to find connection, vibrancy and aliveness. All of this can be found within our sexual energy, but often sexuality is exiled from the therapy office, and our field in general. If we welcome this sexual energy back into our lives, it can lead to more embodiment, and the vibrancy andd aliveness we are looking for.    In IFS, we speak about Self-energy within us that has the 8 C's-- Compassion, Courage, Curiousirty, Connectedness, Creativity, Confidence, Calm, and Clarity. When we feel this Self-energy, we can also tune into a Sexual energy that may be experienced as qualities of Self. There is a beauty to Sexual energy, as well as wisdom.   Patricia also shared how she believes that all of our parts also have sexual energy that they can assess. When bringing IFS into sex therapy, we want to understand how our parts are interacting with these sexual forces, and listen to what they have to say. A lot of times we will listen to some of our parts when it comes to our sexual feelings, but not others. Patricia says she wants to help find a way for clients to welcome all parts into this conversation.   Just as we have Self-energy, Patricia also believes that we all have a beautiful sexual energy within us, "And this could never be broken or destroyed within us." As we open up to this self-led sexuality, we are able to open new doors of creativity, passion and excitement.   To help us tune into this sexuality within our parts, Patricia recommends taking a "beat: and checking in with out (B)ody and breath, (E)motions, (A)ctions, (T)houghts, and (S)elf wisdom. If we could take a pause (BEAT) and allow ourselves to be conscious and aware of these 6 parts of us, we can connect to some of our inner wisdom.   Patricia has also come up with The Six S's of Sexual Energy:   You can access a free graphic of the SIX S's here:   http://www.patriciarich.com/6sgraphic   She has workshops to help people better understand how to work with these 6 S's as well as to help people connect sexuality with IFS.   Find out more about Patricia's work, and some wonderful opportunities here:   https://www.patriciarich.com/  

Anti-racist psychotherapy with David Archer

Season 2, Episode 32, Release Date: 5-15-2024 Anti-Racist Psychotherapy with David Archer   Today I had the pleasure of having a compassionate conversation with David Archer, an Anti-racist clinical Social Worker. He is a couples and family therapist, and an advocate for racially oppressed and LGBTQ+ community.   David has written many books, including his newest book, "Transforming Complex Trauma: Reflections on Anti-Racist Psychotherapy."    David has a revolutionary vision, which transforms society in a very positive and healing way. As we heal ourselves, we simultaneous increase the compassion that we are able to give to others, according to David.   David shared how we can view time as circular and malleable. We journey with clients, and help shed light on the past, and work to understand what they would like to manifest for their future.   EMDR is bringing back indigenous knowledge of a mind-body-spirit connection. Also, interconnectedness is a natural way that humans have lived for most of our existence.    We spoke about how capitalism is an inherently insecure system, as it rests of the idea that there is never enough. It is one of the three evils according to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. The other two are racism and extreme militarism. When we are committing acts of violance, there is a level of dissociation that is taking place. There are elements within society that encourgae us to shut down and not pay attention. When we start paying attention, compassion grows.   Being alive, and breathing is an expression of love!   Whenever we create an exile, there is some form of dissociation taking place. We are cut off from some of our feelings. When we feel safe, we can tap into the infinite creativity within ourselves. Mental health is helping people have options for who they choose to be.   For David, we need to resist thinking in binaries. He shared how we have to break the ideas of labels, such as mental health. Instead, we can understand how mental health is a fluctuation of states.   I questioned how David stays so positive, and he said, "I am never alone. I always have my ancestors with me."   Experiences can always be pathways to connect to divinity, even difficult experiences. As trauma therapists, we go on this journey with clients, to help them dive into the abyss of trauma.   David shared, "I bring in music, rhythm, religion, because I want to create a therapy that does not look or feel like therapy." Instead of there being a hierarchy of the therapist over the client, the client chooses the method of healing. With this power, the client has a new experience of having choice, and a juxtaposition is created.   We spoke about RAP-- Rhythm and Processing. This a beautiful process that David has written about in his new book, "Tranforming Complex Trauma."     

Handbook for the Heart Broken with Sara Avant Stover

Episode 31   Sara Avant Stover: www.saraavantstover.com   We speak about her wonderful new book: Handbook for the Heart Broken: A Woman's Path from Devistation to Rebirth.   It was such a pleasure speaking with Sara. I hope you enjoy our compassionate conversation as much as I did!    Warmly,   David